I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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