I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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