i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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