Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize