he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
