My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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