I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
