The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
