You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize