Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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