she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize