I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
