dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize