I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize