Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
