I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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