i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Text me some of your sweat
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