The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
