apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
