Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
