...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize