Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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