if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize