party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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