dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
smell my finger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
