tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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