you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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