im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Alive.
So much puke
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
