I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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