"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
