And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
