if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize