Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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