Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
