I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize