I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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