How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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