Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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