Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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