I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
