She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
