I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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