I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
