my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
