I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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