Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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