you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
