Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize