thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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