Those balls look pretty dangerous.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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