Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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