Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
