I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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