Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think i have two assholes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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