I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
