does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
