PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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