His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
