if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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