i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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