watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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