ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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