I got chris browned last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Randomize
