I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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