i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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