the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have fence marks all over my body
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
