Having a random hookup so left but love u
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
