There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
