I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize