he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
