be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
