Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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